Well, here we are six months after the last post.  Clearly I need to focus more on writing down/sharing my thoughts.  We are now approaching the first anniversary of the death of my sister.  One year.  It's so hard to believe.  And within a six month span I cannot believe the ridiculous amount of events that has transpired since then.  It's almost putting a lifetime of episides in one year.  My mind is still reeling.  I thought life slowed down at the age of 51, and for some it obviously does.  Sadly enough.  However, I feel I've been kicked in to over drive and every experience I missed over the years decided to catch up with me.  So, what do you do when you need to contain every moment?  Well, obviously you write your novel! Under a psuedonym of course...

Thoughts of Debbie

I've been thinking about Debbie alot. She passed away July 8th and it still seems so unreal that she is no longer here. In my mind I see her as sharply as she was still here. As time goes by though she is moving in to the compartment of my heart reserved for those I've loved so much but are no longer with me. I feel very alone sometimes because so many people are gone.

It also makes me so grateful that I have my husband and my children and friends who are thoughtful, caring, and make my life so happy and special. I have a tendency to look back too much with bittersweet memories, so now I'm making sure to look forward to new memories with those I love. Every single day is the sweetest thing.

Wow - My thought today

It's been a long time since I blogged anything. Right now I'm wondering if my kids will see this - haven't shared it with anyone. I have things that I want to write all the time, every day, and I'm sure that I'm not alone, but I thought I would just start putting random thoughts down now. I got laid off from my job of eleven years about a month ago. I feel guilty that I'm happy about it. So many people are out there sick and worried and I've never felt better. It was a lot of money each year too. But I could care less. It's never been about money. It's about being happy. That rotten place did not make me happy. Is that how I want to be - in 10 years; being beaten up month after month for not making a quota? I don't think so. F sales. I seriously hate kissing people's ass. I can't wait to see what else is out there. Anyway, I'm droning.

My thought today was "my nose appears to be getting bigger." True enough. I have always had what is called a "baby's ass nose." I have a line (indentation) down the middle and the left side appears to be growing. This is since I had a little bump removed from a dermatologist. Never cut anything off of your nose. Just sayin...

I wish I could quit my job and go help clean the wildlife that has been devestated by this oil leak. It absolutely breaks my heart, and I feel very helpless. This is a gigantic understatement. I donated $100 to the National Wildlife Federation. It sounds absolutely ridiculous considering what has happened. Not even a worth a penny really.

Looking over the posts from March is similar to watching yourself on TV. You generally don't like it. Oh well. It's there now, and I'm going to leave it. Maybe I'll pick it up again at a later date. From here on out though, I've decided to just post memories and observations. I'm almost 50, and I realize that I need to listen more effectively. I really need to hear what people are saying and listen. Sounds simple, but it isn't. This hasn't always been the case with me.

Well, it's been some time since I've been here. It must take a lot for me to sit down, pull out the laptop and start writing. Today was one of those days. There are two significant events going on in my life right now. One of which I mentioned in the last post that would be the way I make my living, and the other would be the beauty (or lack thereof) of social networking that we have today. This allows me to "friend" people I have not seen in literally 35 years or so. Good or bad? Ummm - still working on that one.

I have to ask: why the hell do we do this to ourselves? I have a long, long story, but what I'm trying to figure out now is why I allow very uncomfortable feelings to enter in to my life at this stage when I DO NOT HAVE TO. Thus, I think counseling is in order.

Okay, I'm going to begin. Here is 1961.

Arcadia, California. Parents are Joe (shmuck) and Nancy (Angel). Sounds like counseling waiting to happen already, doesn't it?

Bad Joe and Good Nancy get together in 1959 (truly a mismatch any which way you look at this). This union produces Debbie, then Brian, then me in a matter of three years. Debbie is named after Debbie Reynolds during the whole Liz Taylor, Eddie Fisher fiasco. Of course Debbie Reynolds was everyone's angel. Do people even remember that? I do - I loved that era. Debbie was born on October 29, 1959 - exactly 30 years from the stock market crash. Signifcant? No, not really.

I have no idea where Brian came from - my mother must have just liked the name. My brother was born on my parent's anniversary, November 16th. I find that ironic. More on that later. I don't remember any stories relating to this event in their lives. I find that interesting since I've never thought about it before.

My name apparently came from Peter Pan, but I'm really not sure about this. I do know that my father, coming from a very devout catholic family (much on this hypocritical fact later). my mother was told that all of us were to have biblical names or we would not be bapitized at birth. God forbid! Therefore, I was named Wendy Leah (biblical Leah). Debbie is Deborah Lynn (Deborah with the hebrew spelling), and Joseph Brian (enough said).

By the time I was about to be born Bad Joe doesn't even make it to the hospital. I think the story was that they could not locate him in spite of the fact that they were inducing labor because the cord was stuck around my neck. Maybe this is where Tracy comes in to the picture now that I think about it, but that is contemplated many moons from now.

Okay, now to get literary. "JFK and Jackie are moving the nation forward in 1961". My life and my parents are non-entities in the grand scheme of things during this time, and yet much is unfolding. I think that sounds a little pretentious. None of that stuff here.

I'm starting to have fun writing this. Thoughts will be sporadic, but nonetheless interesting.

It's time to "weed" the Ferns out of my yard....

I have a friend at work who has turned out not to be a friend at all. After working with her for ten years I've come to know her as well, if not better, than members of my own family. This is owed to many hours in the car driving to D.C. to and from work. Once at work, much to my dismay over the years, also sitting literally at opposite ends of each other. God, how did I (do I) bear it. Oh, did I mention she lives only five minutes away? Ah, the irony.

So, it seems that I have just discovered that she is not really a friend. This would not be true. I knew long ago, but somehow shelved this because we have to work together. But today was different. What are the seven deadly sins? Isn't lusting after money one of them? Well, throwing morality, friendship, etc. all out the window, this is what my weed valued most today (everyday actually). Ten years and finally I believe things will not be forgiven. Actually, maybe forgiven eventually, but not forgotten.

I have worked a long time. I have worked a long time at this job. When, oh when, can I move on from this? I've tried. Maybe this will be the year.